Amusing Knitting Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
Three pregnant women are sitting in a doctors.
Three pregnant women are sitting in a doctors waiting room knitting. Mom 1 checks her watch and takes a pill "Vitamin C, good for mom, good for baby." Mom 2 takes a pill and says, "Vitamin A, good for mom, good for baby." Mom 3 takes a pill and says, "Thalidomide...I can't knit sleeves."
This cop spots this blond driving
This cop spots this blond driving on the freeway knitting!
Pull Over! he yells.
No! She yells back, Cardigan!
Did you here about the nun who took up knitting?
She was making quite the habit of it.
Pull over
An old woman was driving and knitting on the motorway. She was serving across the lanes when a police car overtook her flashing all the lights.
As it drew level a policeman wound down his window and shouted to her "Pull over!".
"No" she shouted back. "Pair of socks!"
The TSA confiscated my grandmother's knitting needles
They were afraid she would make an Afghan.
An old lady is driving on the motorway...
when a cop drives by and sees that she is knitting whilst driving. So the cop trying to stop this madness realizes he needs to do something. So he shouts over to the lady "Pullover!"
The old woman replies "No, its a cardigan!"
What did 50 cent say to his grandma when he saw her knitting?
"Gee U Knit!"
Parking...
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.
The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
.
.
.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
Three pregnant women were knitting tops for their soon-to-be born.
One posh one says "I'm taking vitamin A, as I want my baby to have strong bones and teeth". The other posh one says "I'm taking vitamin C, as I want my baby to have a good constitution and good heart". The chavvy one says "I'm taking Thalidomide cos I can't knit arms".
5 minutes
A cop drives up Lovers' Lane and sees a car parked. He walks up to the car and sees a girl in the back seat knitting and a boy in the front seat reading a book.
The cop asks the boy how old he is and what he's doing. The boy answers, "I'm reading a book, and I'm 20."
Then the cop asks what the girl's doing and how old she is. The boy replies, "She's knitting, and she'll be 18 in about five minutes."
I'm having a lot of difficulty with knitting
Oops, wrong thread.
Related Topics
- confusedly
- sleeves
- yarn
- policewoman
- sweater
- knitting a pullover
- knitting and crochet
- grandma knitting
- knitting behind the wheel
- wool
- stitch
- sew
- alongside
- seat
- seatbelt
- mittens
- thread
- licence
- pullover
- knit
- purse
- backseat
- crochet
- uniform
- needle
- motion
- weave
You can explore knitting yarn reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean knitting sweater dad jokes. There are also knitting puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Pregnant ladies are sitting around knitting
One lady says, "I am taking an iron supplement, want my child to be strong."
Next lady says, ' I am taking calcium because I want my baby to have healthy bones."
Last lady says, "I'm taking Thalidomide....I just can't get these arms right."
What is Minecraft?
It's Hitler's lesser known second book about his love of knitting. Officially the title is Mein Kraft but, the kids like this spelling more.
[Walks into a bar] A forgetful women of three children walks into a bar, intensely focused on knitting a sweater for her eldest...
Whoops, wrong thread.
My Grandma Discovered an online knitting forum
She was upset the other day, apparently she used the *wrong thread* and the Mods banned her.
Three pregnant women are knitting in the Doctor's waiting room.
The first one pops a pill and says, *"Vitamin A, good for mommy, good for baby."*
The second one pops two pills and says, *"Vitamin C, good for mommy, good for baby."*
The third one pops three pills and says, *"Thalidomide. I can't knit sleeves."*
What do you call a knitting snake?
A nanaconda.
TIL that knitting ex champion Teresa Keller lost her title in 2011 just because she was kitting with a slightly different color.
Oops wrong thread.
My grandma was not allowed to bring her knitting needles on the airplane.
They were worried she might knit an afghan.
A maniac is on the loose after stabbing 6 people with a knitting needle...
Early reports from the police suggest he is following some kind of pattern...
My wife is knitting an infinity scarf.
It's going to take her forever to finish it.
I don't know why my grandma got kicked out of Knitting club...
She only asked the others if they wanted to make glove
There is a serial killer currently on the loose
He has been murdering people with knitting needles. Police think he is following some kind of pattern.
What did the Jewish Bostonian woman declare to her Sunday bridge group about her recent knitting project?
"I'm so AUtistic!"
What did the knitting pirate buy with his treasure?
YAAAAAARN
I missed my last two knitting club meetings...
I hope when I return I'm not out of the loop.
Three expectant mothers
Are in the doctors waiting room knitting. The first takes a pill and the other two look over at her "iron so baby will be nice and healthy" she tells the other two. Not to be out done the second takes one too "calcium so baby grows up strong". The last also takes one "thalidomide, because I've not learnt how to knit arms yet"
I got pulled over while driving because I was weaving too much.
I told the cop it's my first time knitting, so I'm pretty slow at it.
Today there's been another gruesome murder by the killer that police have nicknamed "The knitting needles killer"
Police fear he may be working to a pattern
A state trooper pulled along side a speeding driver and is shocked when he sees a elderly woman behind the wheel knitting.
The trooper rolled down the window and yelled, "Pull Over!"
"No!" yelled the woman, "It's a cardigan!"
A state trooper pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway
Glancing at the car he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was knitting
The trooper crank down his window and yelled to the driver pull over
No! yelled the woman it's a cardigan
My wife started a program to support whistle blowers by knitting them sweaters.
She calls the program Snitches get Stitches
Just In Time
A cop was on night patrol driving up near lover's lookout when he noticed a parked car with a young man reading on the front seat and a young woman knitting on the back seat. He pulled over and walked up to their car. "What are you doing, Son?" the cop asked. "Reading," the young man answered. The cop shone his flashlight on the back seat. "And what is she doing?" "She's knitting," the young man answered. "How old are you?" the cop asked suspiciously. "I'm twenty one," the man answered. "And how old is she?" the cop asked. The young man looked at his watch, "In forty five minutes she'll be eighteen."
A policeman spotted an elderly lady driving while knitting.
"Pullover!" he screamed.
"No, it's a scarf!" she yelled back.
A cop is driving down the freeway when he looks over and spots a granny knitting whilst balancing the steering wheel with her knees
He pulls alongside the granny, and angrily shouts "pull over!"
The granny shouts back, "no, it's a scarf"
A police officer spotted an elderly lady knitting whilst driving
"Pullover", he exclaimed.
"No, it's a scarf", she replied.
Did you hear about the nun who got addicted to knitting?
She said that needles were habit forming.
A police man spots a blond driving a car and knitting at the same time.
He gets her to roll down her window.
Pull over he yells. No silly she replies it's a scarf !
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